


These little things define us

by chiapslock



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Genderbender is the way, I just like writing lesbian Pynch, Light Sexual Abuse, M/M, Mostly a study of fem!Adam Parrish, The raven girls
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 22:21:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9848957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiapslock/pseuds/chiapslock
Summary: Ada Parrish's life is defined by many things, her birthplace, her money situation and most of all her gender. She goes on as best as she can, really, but being her isn't easy even without all the magical bullshit.They say things get worse vefore they get better, but Ada just can't see it.[Or this is the story of Ada Parrish, how she becomes a forest which and gets the girl, but far more angsty than that. Or the gender reversal that has been done a milion times]





	

**Author's Note:**

> So, just to be clear, I wrote "light" sexual abuse because there is no rape or anything like that, but enough that I wouldn't feel right not mentioning that fem!Adam's father is a sleezebag.  
> I try to treat everything with the amount of tact I'm capable of, and I did my best in writing of such a difficult and delicate topic.  
> In the end I can only hope you like this fic that just wouldn't leave my brain.

People tended to be gentle with her. It was a fact in life that had always amused her to a certain degree. She could understand in a way, she had always been minute, probably a direct correlation to how little she was actually allowed to eat, she had dusty blond hair, freckles and a slender constitution.

She was attractive, in a way. Even if her hands were calloused, even if her clothes were always out of fashion, even if she didn’t use any kind of make-up, she had a certain natural beauty.

It wasn’t anything she had ever asked or wanted, which is probably why life had given it to her it with so little effort on her part.

The thing is that people are gentle with her most of the time, something that comes from her appearance, but also as an after effect of her demeanor, she thinks. Always polite to a fault, always careful not to overstep.

This gentleness is made even more abundantly clear when compared to how the world treats Rona, with her piercing glare and sharp edges, with her poor concealed rage and intimidating sneer.

She doesn’t mind, but gentleness is sometimes a burden she doesn’t know how to shake off. _Gentleness_ was an unwanted touch she couldn’t refuse because it was much better than the alternative, a _you should be grateful you are so pretty_ in hushed whisper.

“You’re such a precious little flower” Rona had said, once, mocking her for something their math teacher had said, and maybe she is, but she feels more like a stubborn nettle that refuses to wither.

Ada has fought for everything she has _despite_ her appearance.

Boyd had almost laughed out loud when she had told him she wanted to work with him, reminding her that he wasn’t looking for a receptionist. She had looked at him, annoyed and with so much to prove and she had fixed a car under his watchful eyes.

When she had finished she had been covered in grease oil and her hair, wrapped in a messy bun, was sticking to her face, but she had done it. She had done it because she didn’t have the luxury of perfectly manicured hands, of smooth skin and slender arms and she needed the job more than anything.

Her father doesn’t like it, but at the same time he likes the money she brings home, so he lets it slide.

Sometimes she wonders what Gansey, Rona and Noelle had thought of her before they became friend. Rona, probably, had thought that she was just another brainless, scared little Aglionby girl (she can almost hear her _sneer_ attached to those words) but she hadn’t also liked her in the beginning more out of jealousy than anything else.

She had been new and shiny for Gansey, where Rona had been a certainty, a comforting presence that never wavered. Ada still thinks that Rona jealousy had been unwarranted, it was obvious that Ada couldn’t have never come between the two of them, she stood by their side, watching their world with envy and dreadful feelings of loneliness.

She is alone and unknowable because she refuses to share her secrets, because they are so ugly that only whispering them would change the world completely.

 

The thing is she doesn't even remember why they are here.  Probably one of Gansey's never ending attempt at making Rona socialize with someone who is not them (a fruitless endeavor, if someone askes Ada).

She doesn't even drink so she's the only sober one is a sea of tipsy Aglionby's rich and brightest. It is amusing to stand there and watch as the mighty make such a poor spectacle of themselves, but at the same time it's a reminder of how she had never had the freedom of just... _This_.

Anyway, she doesn't know why they rope them into a game of never have I ever, especially because sobriety brings certain problems for this game. She refuses to drink, so the penalty is lost on her.

She plays anyway when Rona says that she won't do it unless Ada plays and Gansey looks at her with pleading eyes, unstoppable in her quest to reintegrate Rona as a mature member of society. Ada doesn’t want to be a part of this fruitless quest, but she’s also powerless to say no to Gansey most of the time.

So she's here, drinking water while everyone else gets drunk when Ashley Tipton says with her little bitchy voice "I've never had sex". Ada sighs and drinks, long suffering, while around her Rona and Gansey follow suits.

It's such a stupid game and right now she's s not even paying that much attention, but she notices that people are looking at her.

She raises one eyebrow in lieu of a question and Ashley (God she has always hated her) asks her "Really, Parrish?"

Something inside of her freezes, like a deer caught in highlights because it wasn't _Really Lynch_ or _Really Gansey_ , no. It was _really, Parrish?_

They are not the problem. She has never cared about what they think of her, but out of the blue she can hear her father. Her mother.

_Really, Parrish?_

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" and it's not her voice, it's too loud, Ada's rage has always been a much more controlled thing than Rona's explosive ire. Still, it's a stupid question: it's abundantly obvious what it is supposed to mean.

The right reaction, the one someone like Gansey would have (even if now she seems paralyzed, unsure for once of how to act) would be to smile, and show them that their words could never hurt her.

Ada Parrish isn't Richelle Campbell Gansey so she gets up and when she speaks her voice is incredibly icy, a weapon ready to hurt. She isn't Rona, but sometimes she feels she may be even more deadly with all the poison inside of her.

"She called me a slut, Rona, couldn't you hear? She would know, after all I've heard her mother is in a very fulfilling relationship with almost all of our teachers and her father visits more high end prostitutes that even we could count."

People talk in a school like theirs, ammunition that Ada had never asked but also had stored, ready to use it for the right occasion.

"Or maybe like when she went with both the quarterback and the liner at the last Barnett football game. Oh, _Ash_ , we all know. She called me that"

And then she's out of there.

She rode with Gansey and it's late, but she will fucking walk home if it means escaping this damn party and these petty little girls that know nothing of her and what she has to do every day, what she has to live with.

She will have to go to school with them for another two years, she knows she has made an enemy but she doesn't care.  It isn't Ashley's voice in her head, the hands she can feel up on her tights aren't hers.

She has been walking for ten minutes when she hears a car roaring behind her.

Not really Gansey's style.

She isn't surprised when she sees Rona. Her face is a comfort (which is not usually an emotion that she identifies with the other girl) she’s not sure she could have handled Gansey right now trying to make her feel better by beings a good friend. Ada feels like poison right now and she knows she would lash out like a rabid animal. Rona can take it much better than Gansey.

"Get in, loser" Rona says and she complies, unable to do anything else.

"Don't tell me we are going shopping" She jokes, weakly.

Rona is angry, she is always angry, but Ada can see something else. Something akin to worry in her features.

Who else can say that they have Rona Lynch worried about them? Not many.

“Don’t be stupid, Parrish. We’re going to fuck shit up” and well, she is kind in the mood.

They drive silently and Ada is not exactly relaxing, but she’s trying to calm herself down. She knows it’s not worth thinking about it now, it’s done, they don’t matter, but God, _God_ , she just can’t stop.

What do they imagine she does in her private life? It’s that that stumps her. Maybe they think she’s a prostitute, that she’s paying her tuition like that. It would be better in a way, better than them thinking like her father, that she’s just _asking_ for it.

“They are stupid little bitches, you know that, right? You shouldn’t… what they think doesn’t matter” Rona mutters out of the blue, after they have been driving close to twenty minutes (they have been going in circles, she realizes, and she’s incredibly grateful that Rona had telepathically known she didn’t want to go anywhere really, just stay somewhere in between) “I would have kicked their asses, but really Gansey was doing a fucking good job at, you know, humiliate them when I left. And you…. Yeah… So, fuck them”

Rona’s words are crude but kind, in a way that Ada doesn’t expect, in a way she doesn’t want. Rona is right, of course, but her careful tone and words, the way she isn’t looking at her, driving so carefully when she usually drives like a manic, they are telling signs and Ada finds herself getting angry again.

It isn’t right, Rona isn’t the person she should be angry at, but she can’t explain it to her, the burden of her secret making her stumble and fall, and God she doesn’t want to be alone in this pit.

“Do I look like I’m asking for it?” she asks then, zeroing on Rona, analyzing her every single reaction.

Rona turns incredibly red, she turns to look at her like she has never heard anything so scandalous (which is a lie, Rona says worse thing on a regular basis) and she’s evidently trying to understand what she has just heard. She doesn’t leave her the time to think about it before continuing: “Do I look like I go around just whishing that someone would stick their dick in me? Maybe I just want a strong man to save me from myself with the power of sex. Or maybe I look like I’m just starving for it or...” she could continue, she has heard so many, thought so much, suffered an incredible amount, but Rona takes her hand.

“Stop” Rona pleads, and it’s such a strange thing hearing her with that tone that she has to comply, just for her. “I don’t know why do you even care this damn much, Parrish, I don’t! But if… I will kick their asses, I will punch them and anyone else that makes you think like that, you just have to tell me”.

Ada realizes that this is probably the most heartfelt gesture of friendship that Rona Lynch will ever do for her, so she has to ruin it, because Ada has never been good at having friends or doing gestures or anything, really.

“I don’t need your help” she says, instead of _thank you_ or _that’s actually kind of sweet in a twisted way_ or _I’m drowning, Rona, I’m dying everyday a little bit inside_.

Rona stops the car and they are in front of Ada’s home, where, if she’s lucky, her father is asleep and not waiting awake for her.

“Of course you damn well don’t, Parrish” Rona says, and she sounds angry, but not incredibly angry, not angry at _her_ , and she doesn’t even sound sarcastic, she sounds like she has no problem believing that such a little thing like Ada could save herself without any help.

It’s a strange night when you find yourself thinking that Rona Lynch is probably the only one that can see you for who you really are.

 

 

After that night things don’t change that much, which is a blessing and a curse. The only thing that really changes is how much closer Rona sticks to her, like a goddamn guard dog.

This doesn’t mean they get along much better, no, they fight a lot more now that they spend a lot more time together, but different kinds of fights, more playful than anything else.

But again she fucks it up.

It’s an accident really, a moment of forgetfulness in which she doesn’t act fast enough, she doesn’t remember her place.

Her face hurts, but she _has_ to go to work, it’s too important. She can’t stay at home, so she takes her clothes and her bike and she just goes.

She needs a place to change, she needs to put on some make up and… and she knows only one place when she can do both. It’s the last place she wants to go to, but also the only one she has.

Noelle answers the door, which is probably the best scenario, but her usually kind eyes harden when she looks at Ada.

“I just need to change. And some make up. We don’t have to tell the others, Noelle, please” she whispers, but she already knows it’s futile. She has to try, there’s nothing else she has to loose.

“No, Ada” Noelle answers, kind but firm. Well, fuck.

Noelle calls everyone. It’s just her luck that both Rona and Gansey are home, really, because _she doesn’t have the time_. She needs to go to work and she’s in one of the three nice shirts she owns, and she doesn’t have the money to buy them new and she… she needs the job, and she needs not to answer any stupid question.

She enters the house, while Noelle is busy ruining her life, and she starts to go to the bathroom, maybe if she’s fast enough with it she can be out of there before she’s really _too_ late.

She isn’t fast enough (story of her fucking life, really) and before she can close the bathroom door a hand stops her. Rona’s hand.

“What the fuck, Parrish? Why are you freaking out No—“ she stops then, probably seeing what Noelle had seen. Ada hasn’t been able to look at herself in a mirror so she’s not really sure what she looks like, she knows that it hurts like a bitch, so really, it’s probably bad.

Gansey comes behind Rona and her stare is hard, controlled, but Ada con read the pity under it, the worry. She hates it, sometimes she thinks that her pride makes her hate her friends more than her father and isn’t that just terrible?

No one speaks for a moment before Rona punches the fucking door so violently she breaks it. Ada flinches, without meaning to, and that seems to hurt Rona more than the door itself.

“Who was it?” Rona asks, and Ada really doesn’t have the time.

“I need to get to work” she says then “and I can’t go dressed like this and without some foundation. Rona get out of the way”

The others don’t move, Rona actually comes a little closer. Ada would almost laugh if she didn’t want to cry instead “Who was it, Parrish?”

Ada looks at her, looks at Gansey and looks at Noelle and she does the only logical thing. She removes her shirt and starts putting on the one she uses for work, it’s worn out and full of oil, but she doesn’t care. She cares more about being almost naked in front of other people, even if they are her friends, but she can’t really explain why now, can she?

She can’t explain how being naked makes her feel vulnerable, how the fact that people can see her breasts makes her panic because all she can think about is the fact that she hasn’t feel safe changing herself in her own house since she was 8.

Ada can’t tell them that, can’t tell them anything, so she goes on and pretends that she doesn’t care about their eyes, pretends that she can’t tell they are trying to see if she’s hurt anywhere else but her face. She’s not, but she can’t snap at them and tell them not to look.

“I… Parrish!” Rona screams, and she sounds panicked, which would be hilarious to Ada in any other circumstance. Right now it only makes her angrier.

She puts the shirt on, feeling a little more like herself, and looks straight at them “I don’t have the time for this” she repeats, “so I will borrow your foundation, Gansey, and we will not talk about this anymore”

Gansey thinks for a second, collected and carelessly elegant even in her worn out clothes. Ada fears for a second that the other girl will stall, try and talk her out of it, and at that point Ada will have to go to work looking like she just lost a bar fight. It’s not ideal, but she will go if she doesn’t have any other choice.

“Okay,” Gansey says, in the end, “but only if you promise to come here after work and talk to us” her tone of voice is calm, diplomatic. She’s treating Ada like a feral animal, like she treats Rona sometimes, when the other girl is on her worst behavior.

_Good_ , Ada thinks, _she should be scared of what I’m going to do_.

“Fine” she answers, in the end, but she has no intention of honoring her part of the deal. She should feel guilty, but she doesn’t.

Rona still can’t look at her for reasons Ada can’t even phantom and frankly don’t interests her. She has already to many fucking problems.

 

 

Boyd doesn’t comment on her face, so it was a good call borrowing the high-quality make up from Gansey, hers wouldn’t have hold up for so many hours and after the sweat of an entire day at work.

The real problem of the day, in the end, it’s Rona waiting for her outside her work. Having friends that know her is starting to become a problem.

“Get in, Princess Gansey orders” she tells her, and Ada is so _tired_.

This morning had started well enough, with a good grade in algebra and the promise of a shift in the afternoon, an excuse to be away from home for a little while. Then Ada had been careless, answering back when she should have known better.

If she tells them this, she will have to tell them about everything else and it’s a can of worms she’s not ready to open yet, if ever. It amuses her that _this_ is the thing that gets their attention, since this is the thing she can shrug off without a second thought.

She doesn’t care that her father hit her, it happens so rarely that it’s just a minor inconvenience. This is what she can live with, she would give everything for her problem to transform into _this._

“And you follow her every order?” she asks Rona, hoping to derail her, distract her enough. It’s useless, she knows that already, but she has to try.

“Don’t be stupid,” the other answers, before opening the door to the passenger’s side “just… get in. You need a shower”

She does, but it makes her feel better knowing that she’s dirty, unattractive, stained. She goes with Rona anyway, because she doesn’t think she has any other choice, and because she’s tired of fighting.

“There is nothing to tell, you know” Ada says, when they are halfway there “yes, okay, it was my dad but we were arguing and it’s the first time it has ever happened” it’s the only thing she can say, the only story she can create to make this all go away so she’ll stick to it.

“And why couldn’t you tell us this morning?” the other asks, her voice curt “and even if… he shouldn’t have…”

Rona’s voice trembles at the end, like she doesn’t really know what to say, how to express herself. It gives Ada a certain amount of strength when she realizes that she’s one of the only ones that can make Rona sound like this. It’s a privilege, she knows, and it makes her feel important.

“I know” she says, “but I also knew you would have blown it out of proportion. I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it”

They don’t say anything else until they reach Monmouth Manufacturing and Ada is ready to get out of the car when Rona stops her “You know you can say anything to us, right? I mean… okay maybe not the princess, but I don’t scare easily”

Ada wants to tell her that she’s wrong, that, as much as she likes to act like she doesn’t care about anything, Rona has a soft core that hasn’t been eradicated, not even with all the bad things that have happened to her. Rona is more fragile that she thinks, and it’s funny, for Ada, to see it so clearly.

“I know” she tells her, anyway.

They both know Ada isn’t going to say anything more.

 

 

In the end she just tells Gansey and Noelle the same story she has already told Rona and they believe her, or at least decide to drop it. She’s so relieved she doesn’t want to analyze it too closely.

Rona is the one that sends her home, since Ada had left her bike at the shop and it’s late now and when they part the other girl almost says something to her, but doesn’t. Ada is curious, but she has her secret, she can’t ask other people to reveal theirs if she’s not ready to do the same, it’s common courtesy.

When she opens the door to her house she’s ready, but she still flinches when she hears her father’s voice.

“And where were you?” her father asks her, and his voice is a little slurry at the end. He’s drunk, but that’s not news. Ada tries to stay away from his as much as she can “It’s not safe for a _lady_ outside, you know? Especially one that looks like you…” he trails off, so Ada just nods, says she’s sorry and goes to her room.

He stops her while she passes and caresses her cheek.

She doesn’t want to think that she really wants a lock on her door, she doesn’t want to think about what her father had meant, why her mother doesn’t look her in the eye.

Ada doesn’t want any of this, doesn’t know how to explain any of it to anyone, least of all people like Rona and Gansey, that were loved their entire life.

How could they ever understand what it means to be her?

 

She isn’t scared of boys, not really, she’s not stupid and she knows that they’re not like her father, but at the same time she isn’t comfortable talking to them.

Her father’s words are always a shadow that follows her around, and even if she tries she can’t shake them off, it’s stronger than her, this terrible thing, and it destroys her every day.

So when they are seated at their table at Nino’s, eating pizza and joking around, she doesn’t know what to say when Gansey says, so unlike her, “The waiter is cute”

Ada looks around for who she’s talking about and when she sees him she tries to evaluate him fairly. He isn’t incredibly handsome, if she’s honest he’s a little too light, less muscled that she probably would like. He has longer hair than she likes too, a little baggy, they make him look like someone who isn’t trying enough and yet too much, like they are some kind of testament.

But, again, he’s not bad. Not really Gansey’s type, she thinks, but at the same time she hasn’t seen Gansey with a lot of boys, only the ones sometimes her parents send to her to try and make her live a more lady-like life.

“He’s okay… I guess?” she says, trying to be supportive, and she tries not to grimace at the thought that, if Gansey starts dating him, Ada will have to actually talk to him for more than the second it takes to order his pizza and coca-cola.

Again, she’s not scared and she doesn’t _hate_ half of the population only because of her father, but boys tend to be a mystery to her. They treat her gently because of how she looks, how she acts with them, and even if it’s mostly her fault she hates them for that. Ada could act more like Rona and she would be treated the same way, but she doesn’t have that luxury.

Being her is an exercise in compromise and disappointment, really.

“I think he looks like a freak” Rona pipes in, rudely, and Gansey pouts a little but doesn’t try to defend her waiter, maybe because she can’t really defend his fashion choices.

Ada looks at the clock and makes a face, she doesn’t want to be out too long. Her father will be out until midnight, a night shift, and Ada could use the time to actually study. Her mother will be there, of course, but disdain is better than the alternative.

“You have to go?” Rona asks, and Gansey’s face falls down even more. They haven’t talked a whole lot about their search for Glendower today, busy talking about school and other normal things, and every day they don’t strategize feels like a wasted day for Gansey, she knows.

She should tell them yes, that she can’t stay here with them, that as much as she wants the wish she also has to have a back-up plan to get out of Henrietta. She has to study, she has to be the best, she has to, because she’s not sure for how long she can hold on.

Instead Ada shakes her head and smiles, gently.

By the end of the night they know that the waiter’s name is Blue and they exchange one brief promise about going in search of the lines from Gansey’s sister helicopter, but nothing more is said on the matter.

Ada goes home and her mother almost doesn’t look at her. She only has one hour before her father is home, but she doesn’t want to risk it, so she goes to her room and she stays there.

 

She sometimes thinks, at night, that the reason why she’s still in this house is because her father has never really gone _too_ far. He doesn’t hit her much, really, because she has a face too pretty to be messed up, he says, and because the body of a woman should be used for _something else_.

As long as Ada is silent, as long as she’s obedient, he doesn’t really do much. He just… looks, and sometime caresses her. Not like a father would, like a man would, she has known the different since she was six and it scares her, sometimes, that knowledge.

It could have been a lot worse, she thinks, because he hasn’t really do much beside look, touch gently, sometime made her sit in his lap for too long. It’s wrong, but it’s not… she can take it. The problem, the things that stick to her most, are his words.

Where his hands are gentle his words aren’t. They are harsh and unforgiving; they are a blunt force that are harder to swallow than punches. Sometimes she wishes he hit her instead, but he only says brutal whispers, terrible comments.

He tells her that she’s much more desirable than her mother ever was, he tells her that all the boys probably want a piece of her because she just seems to elude that vibe, he tells her that if only he was younger…

Ada doesn’t tell him that _that’s not the problem_ , because she fears he could take it as an invitation, the way he thinks her uniform is only a way to show her body for the boys (“You have to pay attention to the teacher, even if you probably _want_ them to notice you, don’t you?” God, she really doesn’t).

She thinks it could be worse and it’s the only reason why she hasn’t said anything yet, the only reason why she is still there every night, holding her breath and pretending to be asleep when he enters her room and just watches her sleep.

Rona, Noelle and Gansey wouldn’t believe her if she told them, so she doesn’t. She doesn’t need their help, she needs to have good grades, she needs to have money and get out of here.

 

They get to know Blue (what a strange name for a boy, but then, she gathers, his entire family is strange) a lot more because, for some reason she doesn’t understand, Gansey and Noelle love him.

It only gets worse when he tells them that his family is full of psychics, and that sets off Gansey even more. Ada doesn’t really believe in psychics, but at the same time she spends her afternoon looking for a dead Welsh King, she is obligated to at least give the benefit of the doubt to this whole crazy situation.

The worst thing is, she can see how they could be good friends, it isn’t that difficult to imagine. Blue is direct and genuine, and he’s unapologetically himself all the time, even when he could make It easier if he just pretended… he’s different from Ada. It’s a good thing in her book.

Actually he’s similar to Rona in a lot of things, but she doesn’t say it out loud, since she doesn’t really want to be killed both by Rona _and_ by Blue. The two of them fight a lot, which was predictable really, because there’s no one Rona hates more than herself, after all, and if Gansey can’t see it it’s only because she has always been blind to Rona’s greatest shortcomings.

“I don’t get it,” Rona tells her one day when she’s driving Ada to work and they’re alone “why do they have to bring _him_ all the time? We need his crazy aunts, he could stay home”

Ada doesn’t respond immediately, because she wants to think a little about what to say. She usually doesn’t measure her words like this in front of Rona, but she doesn’t know if she actually wants to know the answer to the question that came to her.

In the end she likes the feeling of being reckless, for once, and she asks anyway “Was this what you said about me?”

Rona seems a little taken aback by the question, probably because it _is._ The other girl hadn’t been subtle in the beginning about her dislike of Ada, and frankly she doesn’t know why she has mellowed down so much in these past year, she doesn’t know if Rona has really mellowed out. Maybe she still doesn’t like her much most days, maybe she just tolerates her as a part of Gansey’s life.

On the other hand Rona has showed worry for her numerous time, and when she feels inclined, Ada can admit she thinks of the other girl as a good friend.

“Don’t be stupid Parrish” Rona answers in the end “I was far worse with you, he’s just a _boy”_ she says it like it should be clear, like Ada shouldn’t even have asked. Rona could never be jealous of a boy, because what she and Gansey have go deeply than a romantic relationship, another girl on the other hand…

“I feel flattered” is her honest answer and Rona laughs, harsh.

“You don’t like him either” Rona says after a while, and it isn’t a question, but it doesn’t need to be, she has probably been pretty clear with her behavior. She _is_ sorry, because Blue probably picked up in it too, but she cares less that she should.

“He’s just a _boy_ after all, isn’t he?” she asks then, with a private little smile.

They don’t talk anymore, but they don’t really need to.

 

In the end, as always, it doesn’t matter what she does, how much she worries, how much she hides, lies and works hard. As everything else in her entire life her father ruins everything and Ada can’t do anything else but watch while her whole word crumbles at her feet.

She wonders if her life was always destined for unhappiness, if somewhere there’s a version of her that has a good life, that knows what it means to be loved, to feel secure and never scared in her own home.

In the end, though, it’s useless wondering about this kind of things, because the thing is that Ada doesn’t have the power to stop all these terrible things for herself and she doesn’t have the strength to worry about anyone else.

She has always been kind of a coward, after all. 


End file.
